just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
