im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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