Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize