it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
