so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
