Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
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