I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
