And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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