Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
