Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
