My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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