I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
