mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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