he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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