We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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