I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
