he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
