now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Still dying that you shit outside
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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