even my farts smell like vagina
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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