Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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