My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
