Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
