I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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