and i looked up. we had an audience...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
