??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
