Already got asked if we're dating
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
