Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You may now shotgun with the bride
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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