3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
