life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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