dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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