We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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