i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
