shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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