ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
