Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
