wakey wakey hands off snakey
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
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