and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
