Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
