Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
