I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
