were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
The ass gains better be worth it
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