she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
