you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
