Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
