Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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