Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize