i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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