Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
