someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
