i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
