remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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