And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
