I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
