i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
