Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
