My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
