I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
