dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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