Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
