He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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