so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We got so high we made milksteak
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
These tits shall not be calmed
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
