I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
