How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
