This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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