Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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