you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
