I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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