your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
