oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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