he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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