She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
