She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
