I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
