Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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