just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
