Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
