So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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