He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
