I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I believe in your delicious
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
