Where did you get a picture of my penis
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
