Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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