I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
