Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
